Tongue Pleasing Tidbits of Temptation

You know you are kinky when………………redux

…your idea of getting a jump in the morning is to hook up the other end of your nipple clamp to the car battery.

…you nearly cause an accident pulling into the lot where the sign advertises FREE TODAY HOT WAX before you realize it’s a car wash.

…you cannot get through the opening lines of “Green Eggs and Ham” (I Am Sam, Sam I Am) without giggling hysterically.

…your attitude is “electricity, not just a utility, but a way of life”.

…you’ve served more people than McDonald’s.

…more people have seen your body on-line than have visited www.cnn.com

…you spend more time on your knees than a Catholic priest.

…you consider filing a lawsuit for false advertising when the pizza place has a sign for HOT GREEK-STYLE SUBS but they wouldn’t bend over to please you.

…you chose your last car based on the location of the garment hooks.

…the hospital lists you as a triage center, since you’re better equipped than the ER.

…you sit on Santa’s lap to tell him the toys you want for XMas, and get a free trip on the North Pole.

…you buy clothespins in the supersize family economy bags, and you don’t have a family or a clothesline.

…there’s enough rope in your bedroom to scale Mt. Everest.

…you find yourself wandering through the wax museum’s medieval torture chamber making comments like “gimme a break, my Dom’s grandmother could get out of that!”

…getting tattooed and pierced is merely foreplay.

…you bought a souvenir replica of the Washington Memorial because you were too cheap to go to the adult store and get a real butt plug.

…you think Hannibal Lecter is a snazzy dresser.